PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: IF WOMEN DRINK... Beer: Personality:Casual, low maintenance; down to earth. Approach:Challenge her to a game of pool. thingytails or Blender drinks with umbrella: Personality:Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass. Approach:Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda: Personality:Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants Approach:If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink. Water: Personalityretentious and is looking for a serious relationship. Approachon't Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask): Personality:Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Approach:Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation. Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc: Personality:Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue. Approach:Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in. Cape Velvet/Baileys: Personality:Annoying voice, bit of a tart. Approach:Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub. Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.): Personality:Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk... and naked. Approach:Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait... IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.) Cider: He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid. Cheap Domestic Beer: He's poor / student and wants to get laid. Premium Local Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid. Imported Beer: He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid. Guinness: The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another. Water: He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid. Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid. Vodka or Brandy: Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid. Port: Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid. Whisky: He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid. Jack Daniels: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid. Rum or Tequila: Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid. Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers, Smirnoff Ice, etc: He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.
